Popcorn-dropping hilarity that’s truly First Class at Toronto’s Panasonic Theatre.

Dear Pam Ann,

Just got in from your show tonight at the Panasonic – well, all right, first we had a drink or two, but – fabulous. Fantastic, so funny, seriously I almost dropped my popcorn. And the straight lady and her husband beside me just got more and more prune faced as the night carried on and you got filthier and funnier.

I love a good fag hag like you, bitch, and I love when you can just watch someone’s asshole pucker up tighter and tighter all night long. I think she may have been a reviewer, babe. Hope that doesn’t turn out to be a problem. For myself, I was totally feeling your cabaret vibe and every time you got talking to someone in one of the first few rows (aka First Class) I just cheered and cheered. Classic.

I didn’t even care that you ran a little over time – I mean between the dog and the murderous porn star anyone could have lost track of twenty-five minutes, hey? Plus, see also, very funny. I mean, okay, at longer than ninety minutes I do like a little more dimension, usually. But it was all new to me, and I got a good charge out of it. Also, I’m a frequent flyer.

There is one thing, though, hon. Satire needs to run uphill, you dig? We take shots at people with more cultural power, not less. The racist jokes aren’t funny. By which I mean, they are literally not funny, they are tired old worn-out jokes, and you, bitch, you are fucking hilarious. That Austrian thing that went on and on? Brilliant. The food trolley? Girl, I almost pissed my putty-coloured linen capris. But the “I love chocolate,” and the “Indians eat dog,” and that whole unfortunate Singapore thing with the video and those plastic glasses? Boring old racist stereotypes. So twenty years ago. And why would you, when you have Luka Magnotta and falling airplane engines and power bottoms and Diane’s Vuitton bag and Porter Airlines to take the piss out of? You don’t need that kind of cheap laugh – you’re actually fucking funny, unlike some of these other bitches.

The airline jokes were hilarious, by the way. My husband was doing an FA from Delta for a while so I heard stories…anyhow, really. When you started clinking those champagne flutes against the mic? The British Airways training day? That shit is uproarious. The first and last videos were the funniest, but that Superman thing was pretty good too. You have got some mad skills with the editing, hon.

Anyhow. That’s me. You do you, babe, but for real, cut out the racist parts and you’ll be on schedule and even funnier, that’s all I’m saying.

kisses from one of your gays,

Bear

ps – I thought you were a drag queen at first, which I assure you I mean as major, major praise.

Details

Pam Ann plays at the Panasonic Theatre, 651 Yonge St, through 23 June at 8pm

Tickets ($35-$55) available at www.ticketking.com & via the Mirvish Box Office (416-872-1212)